Over the last few weeks a some events have happened that have shaken me. I (and many others) prayed for healing in situations in some friends families, but these healings did not happen, leaving the families to live with consequences. In all these instances I felt Father's presence as I prayed and fully expected to hear good news as a result of the prayer. When the news is not good, it forces us to ask "What are we really doing?"

While I have seen Jesus do some amazing healings (allergies gone, broken bones mended, legs grown, back pain disappeared, babies conceived when not medically possible, etc etc) my conclusion is that I cannot go on building up peoples hopes and then just patting them on the back when their hopes are dashed. It is impossible to have any human feeling and not feel broken when the healings your friends really needed do not happen.

When I've tried to discuss this "crisis" with people, their automatic assumption is that this is a crisis of faith, that circumstances are causing me to doubt God, to change my theology and to back off from what God has called me to. Nothing could be further from the truth. I've called this a crisis of mediocrity because I'm convinced it's me that has to change.

I remain convinced that if Jesus had prayed for my friends they would have been healed.

I remain convinced that when Jesus died on the cross he fully, completely and irrevocably paid the price for sin and the consequences of sin (Is 53:4&5) (Griefs & Sorrows - mental/emotional brokenness, transgressions & iniquities - spiritual brokenness aka sin, wounds we are healed - physical brokenness) Matt 8:17, 1 Pet 2:24.

I remain convinced that it's not a case of does God want to heal a particular person, but rather that it was finished 2000 years ago. 

I remain convinced that Father God has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing(Eph 1:3) and physical healing is one of our blessings, but we need to appropriate that blessing in the physical realm.

I remain convinced that while faith is necessary for healing (Lk 7:9, 8:48, 8:50, 9:41, 17:19, 18:42) it is not necessarily the recipient of the healing who must have faith (Lk 6:10, 7:13, 13:12) The flip side of this being that in his home town Jesus could do no miracles except heal a few sick people because of their lack of faith (Mk 6:5&6) I look forward to having that "bad day at the office"! Wigglesworth is quoted as saying "I've got enough faith for them all to be healed, trouble is they don't have the faith to receive it" and of his daughter who was deaf "There is nowt wrong with her hearing, just her faith". Given that Jesus healed people who had no faith out of compassion I'm going to disagree with Wigglesworth, and when I'm seeing as many people healed as he did, I'll write a full theological rebuttal of his comments!

I remain convinced that healing the sick is a command from Jesus for all who believe, and not a nice crowd pleaser or an add-on for your Ph.D. in Christ. (Matt 10:8, Lk 10:9, Mk 16:17), that this was normal christian life for the early church (Acts 5:15, 6:8, 8:7, 9:34 & 40, 19:12) and not all these examples were apostles. Stephen & Philip were ordinary Christians.

I also remain convinced that there remains mystery in our faith (1 Tim 3:9), that we can't box God into our formulas as this removes the need for relationship and that ultimately our bodies will only be glorified when we get to heaven..

So where does all that leave me? It leaves me contending (a word that has come up a lot recently) for more of God in my life so that increasingly I see His love, compassion and power flowing through me. I'm not chasing the gifts at the expense of the giver, I just know as I get closer to Him, more of Him will work it's way out through me.

Looking at the lives of Wigglesworth & Howells (and Lake soon) they got close with Father, they contended with Him for things and then they walked in genuine authority that changes situations. What was Jesus doing on those nights when he withdrew to lonely mountainside to pray? Was He just having "Daddy-time" or was he contending for the Kingdom to break in on earth? The Bible doesn't tell us, but I wonder.

The great men and women of faith who have gone before us were also radical about removing anything from their lives that competed with God for their affections (Consecration - another word that's been coming up a lot) Wiggelsworth said of Matt 5:6 "To hunger and thirst after righteousness is when nothing in this world can fascinate me like being close to God"

The Word of God prevents me from turning back, seeing the pain of friends (and the world around me) prevents me from staying still. The only way is forward but that looks like death. I think it was Tozer who said profound dissatisfaction with how things are is the precursor to genuine pursuit of Christ.